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January 12, 2009

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Kelly

Robin, I think I could have written these words myself (although not as eloquently as you have). How is it that I have gone from being so totally in control, completely organized and right on track to the new me who is none of that? I don't understand it at all. I only know that with each and every change in me something new and wonderful happens around me. Maybe the things that were so important "then" just don't measure up to the things that are important now. Maybe the forgetful, flighty, always running late "me" is the me I'm supposed to be right at this very moment. Things change, priorities change, we change...and I love you exactly the way you are as I know you feel the very same way about me!

hele

I find myself really wondering to know whether you were happier then or now? More at peace?

I have also lost my organiser. Or the doing partner of my organiser, the worrying irritated part is still with me :)

Yet I have more gentleness with me. Have you found a new part of you also?

Relyn

Now isn't that funny? The way we see ourselves versus the way others see us, I mean. If someone asked me to describe you, I would have never have described you as someone who "doesn't accomplish much in a day". I have some pretty strong evidence that you spend your days creating. Creating beauty. Every day. Look at Avalon. Look at your pictures. Think about how much they've improved in less than a year. No, go back and look and see for yourself. And, your words. Oh my.

Oh my.

You are a published author, artist, and photographer, my friend. I would definitely describe you as a doer. I wonder if it's just that you are in a new season of your life. Maybe it's a season with a little less pressure and a little more time? I wonder if it's the missing frantic pace that makes things feel slower? Just wondering.

ELK

robin thank you for sharing such eloquent and heartfelt thoughts BUT as always it is your photographs that inspire me just as much...

meg duerksen

love your journal.
i think my word would be.....survive?
that's an excuse.
how about ......lazy?
seriously. i went back to bed this morning after all my kids were at school. for 2 hours.
but i guess i was sleepy.

i love your drive to grow and change.
:)

rhayne

I believe that sometimes it is in the times of (apparent) inactivity that the greatest movement occurs. I mean what is wrong with being a wanderer? I much prefer to be a happy wanderer than a frazzled busy bee(as much as I love fuzzy bees ;)). Wandering is a gentle way to explore, and perhaps a softer way to take care of oneself.
Sure, we need goals and we need to be *productive*, but I think there is much to be gained by listening to the quiet self, the self that doesn't do a lot of buzzing, and doesn't feel guilty about it.

Whatever stage we find ourselves in...it's ok :)

Chris

beautiful stuff, here.
we are such a universe, trapped in our own heads.

John Maslowski

I think everyone goes through cycles Robin. You have your creative cycle when everything is exciting, energetic and highly motivating. Then the procrastinating cycle that everyone hates and it seems like nothing gets done and if it does it seems like it takes you forever. I find getting out, exercising, hiking, or trying something new can sometimes spark that enthusiasm. Usually, I'll just keep going to the gym as often as I can, to finally get the cob webs out of my mind. However, I really believe you are being a little hard on yourself, because I'm amazed at your web site and photos. Your accomplishments here are outstanding.

Laurie

I think what you're feeling is common for most of us at one time or another. Thanks for putting it out there. Just know that you are not alone in this and
being 'transparent' you are helping the rest of us...
xo Laurie

Liss

I think we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves. We can tent to perceive others as coping and doing much more than ourselves and then wonder why we fail to achieve the same output level. In that case you are comparing yourself to your younger days.
There is nothing wrong with wearing pajamas and talking to your self, I also do this. Do you feel stressed when you are in your pajamas ? …. I bet the answer is NO, so leave them on while you come up with a plan of attack.

Molokai Girl

It sounds like you are being a bit hard on yourself? Should we have to maintain that sameness of who we were even from 5 years ago? I must say, I feel like I am in the same boat that you are. Oh! The things I could accomplish in one day! Now, the running list grows of what I would LIKE to get accomplished. My life feels fraught with many things left undone (with quite a bit still in the intention mode) and fragmented; where much of the fragmentation seems to come from me.
I've been pondering this 'dilemma' for quite some time. What to do. What to do. What I keep coming back to is acceptance of this slowing down. This change in who I thought I was and am now.
The conflict within us stems from how we define ourselves. Do we define ourselves by what we do? What we accomplish? The tasks that we can complete? Or, should we just define ourselves simply as, "I am"? Should that not be enough?
Ah....I don't seem to have any answers; only more questions!

Amy

you just described me to a T birdy* You are not alone, do you have trouble focusing? I do, I use to multi task complete many things all day go go go, now one thing at a time is my mantra* I am only 42, done with menopause and some days yep I ask myself where did that bouncy girl go. I miss her! I think for me I just try to think ok so this new girl, ey I like her, she is calmer, kinder, more passionate about what she is doing etc, she takes the time and does not care about what does and does not get done, the other girl would not have had time for all of that. & I to agree about stepping back for a bit...I'm probably just about ready to do that myself... xo

Annie

I am right there with you, Robin. I think it is a good thing, slowing down, not having to get things done. I think getting older as we all do, teaches us what is important. Goals are good, but so is a cup of tea watching the birds and just doing nothing at all :-). I think you are just fine!

elizabeth

I think that I used to be more efficient and productive too, though I was much more flighty and fickle at the same time and did a million things at once, none of them well or long-term. I think I'm slightly more balanced now. I have decided that my word for the year will be "Be", so I think that I must be embracing myself as I am now. :)

I was admiring the beauty of your house until I read a comment - and thought perhaps it's the Chinese Garden instead? Clearly I must visit. Yes, this spring.

rochambeau

Beautiful post Birdtweets,
Your words resinate with me and I'm guessing each person who is reading this today. One thing that came to me as I read you words so creativly illustrated.... It's that in Bloglandia, you are a very organized and proactive productive person. Blogging is an art. It takes time. Your art and soul are being spread out all over the world each time you write a post.

May you realize all your goals! Each one, at the appointed hour!

xox
Constance

Allegra

Our beloved Chinese garden appears to be the perfect background for sharing this. Gorgeous shots, one more beautiful than the next, as usual. I don't know what to add to the wise comments left here already, but I know that many of us share the feeling that somehow a part of us is "finished" with the business of doing, while another part of us goes around making "work" so that nothing is truly "finished" but in a somehow permanent state of fluctuation.

Lao Tzu says "Great achievement looks incomplete, yet it works perfectly. Great abundance looks like emptiness, yet its supply is never exhausted." Maybe we should all remember this.

Paris Parfait

I flit from project to project, throughout the day - not nearly as focused as I once was. But I think that's the fate of an artist. At any one moment, I'm likely to be thinking about a book in progress; little things that need to get done that day; my daughter; a friend going through a rough time; the blog; a project or seven I'm planning for the future and the horrible news from Gaza that is so distressing me these days. So maybe we're artists AND jugglers, behind the scenes. Maybe some of our balls in the air move in slow motion, but the important thing is to keep creating, in whatever form works for us. xoxox

dutchbaby

Dear Robin,
A friend invited me to attend a weekend seminar called “The Second Half of Life” given by Angeles Arrien. At the time, I did not realize how helpful the weekend turned out to be. One of the many nuggets she shared with us is that in the second half of life you shed your sense of urgency. She told us to “hasten slowly”. You also shed activities that are no longer working for you. You loose patience with mundane or unnecessary activities. Thus, even though it may seem you are less productive, you are not wasting your time with activities you would have done in your younger days.

Therefore, my two words to you are “hasten slowly”.

Thank you for a lovely, honest, insightful post!

Diane - Daily Walks

With years of experience beneath and above us sits the true essence of who we are. When we come to this point, there is a profound sense of our potential that provokes a frenzy of thought, leaving us at a sudden standstill. Let the energy swirl around and marvel at all feverish possibilities that would never have actualized without the collected years. Find the stillness among all the swirling. It will be there that we discover once again, our deepest calling that has been waiting for us all these years.......

Robin... wishing you a quick frenzy!

kath

Margie and I decided last night that we are embarking on a journey together, a creative journey. We're going to hold hands and jump into the fray. We're going to unearth our creative crones, our young girls and our middle age miracle women and see out what happens. There is a movement afoot .... we are going to find our own feet.
much love and support to you.
Kath

Isabel

My dear Robin,

I love the honesty of your post, an honesty that touches many of us out here who one time or another go through your same doubts and struggles. When I first read your post, and like debi's comment to your post, I also thought of Nina Bagley and something she told me on one of the emails we exchanged- sometimes we need to stop being busy bees and surrender to the "medicinal silence" of nature.
It is okay to wonder and take it all in, to allow the world to organically bring forth the answers and every moment as it is intended to make itself present in our lives.

I think that what you want to be, you already are. Just open itself to it :)

xox

Isabel

jeanie

Oh, my dear Ms. Robin -- sometimes when I'm blog-checking I discover something that so touches me to the core, something to which I can relate so clearly, it almost shocks me. Is it a message? (I believe most things are!) And this post does this for me (and for others, I think, looking at the words written before mine.)

I have a half-finished piece on my mid-life ADD. It manifests everywhere (most recently I've noticed it in cleaning or my lack thereof). Work, home, art, finishing things. I have a stack of knit purses and all they need is a button sewn on, or a clasp. I'll go from room to room, picking up one thing here, dropping another there... and I still (at least) have the schedule of working -- which drives me crazy because I miss the time at home, yet at least at work I have to be productive!

I've pondered this "condition" often in recent weeks, for I read more and more about these wildly productive women with such passion and drive that they succeed in ways they never expected. Happy accidents that weren't accidents. And part of me wants to be them. And part of me wants to go home when I'm tired and just veg. And the other part of me wants a happy medium. Sometimes all three fight, and it feels like there is a wee war in my soul.

I still don't know who will win. But I'm glad others I think so highly of are on the journey with me.

Toni

I can so totally relate to what you've said and what everyone else has said in the comments. I'm still employed full-time, so my routine in getting ready for work helps, but once I get home it all goes to heck in a handbasket. My dogs take so much of my time and they are worth it in every aspect, but I neglect my creative side, my work in glass. I've taken to photography, because it is quick and immediate, whereas the glass takes days and days. I function best when I have a routine - I guess I just need to develop one for the weekends. Boy, did that response go all over the place.

Just know that you aren't alone, Robin, and thanks for putting it out there.

jfrancis

the body ages, the brain ages. neither works the same
as years ago. i have somewhat the same problem. i would
suggest learning more about the brain, how it works and
how to feed it. maybe how to follow its leading.

tangobaby

I'm a flitterer too, and I don't think I used to be. But I think I can say I'm having more fun than I used to, if that's a side affect. You're allowed to stop in the middle, go in reverse, quit and start all over again.

There are no rules!

xoxo

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